‘Ipad Hand’ Pandemic

May 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

iPad ‘Hand’emic

Medics are calling repetitive strain injuries caused by excessive use of the iphone and ipad devices; ‘ipad hand’. One of the physical symptoms of ipad hand is a dull ache in the hand but it’s the psychological symptoms that some are finding the most difficult to deal with. One popular College student has had her life ruined by the ailment.

Sometimes, I’m at the gym and I’m into a really like, amazeballs convo with my BFF and I’m like, oh my god my hand is aching me. Sometimes I can’t reply right away to a text and I’m like, fucking kill me. Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone being able to live with this kind of irritation. I am literally going to have to hire someone to text for me. I hate my life.

At the moment there is no immediate cure for the ailment other than not using your iphone or ipad, which means there is no cure. We advise people to remain calm, think of a lot of short forms for texting and look into hiring an assistant texter. If you can’t afford an assistant texter you should probably just kill yourself now before the pain of not being able to text kills you anyway. We do not advocate suicide but Dr. Kevorkian does and you should probably listen to him.

140 character max. suicide notes only.

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