Obama Responds to Sandy too Soon?

November 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

wait until there are some dead.

Republicans are criticizing Obama for responding too soon to hurricane Sandy. They say they preferred Bush’s technique for dealing with disaster relief which is to hunker down, shop online and wait until Sean Penn shows up with a boat.

Sean lives the plot of a bad Hollywood movie.


Obama Asks Media To Do His Dirty Work

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

catch a flip flopper by the toe

President Obama challenged the media to find instances where governor Romney changed his mind about policies.  Romney also issued a challenge to the media to find a picture of himself where he isn’t making this face.

would this face fuck up America?

Ferris Wheel Of Terror

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

don’t leave me hangin’ bro

20 funseekers were trapped for hours atop a 300 foot tall amusement park ride.  The owners of the ‘Windseeker’ apologize for the malfunction but maintain that this is an isolated event as what usually happens during a malfunction is that people simply plummet to their death.

oh what fun it is to die…

Click Here For Original Story

Swine Food Crisis!

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Waste and you get none

The UK national pigs association has announced that there will be an unavoidable bacon shortage.  The National Heart Attack association later announced an unavoidable heart attack shortage and urges people to substitute bacon with lard to avoid a crisis.

Ailing hearts create jobs!

Click Here For Original Story 

*actual story is hogwash and was created to raise prices.  oink oink.

Romney Not Popular Amongst Tweens

September 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Mitt ain’t what we need

A 12 year boy has written a letter to Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney, saying that if he’s elected he would be bad for America. Romney has responded by going to the boys school at lunch, holding him on the ground, cutting his hair off and calling him a fag.  

Mitt loves an easy target.

Father’s Not Welcome At Dances

September 25, 2012 § Leave a comment

Don’t step on my toes!

Rhode Island schools have banned Father Daughter dances. The ban was put in place, after they caught several fathers in the woods chugging cake flavoured vodka and discussing which daughters were the hottest.

My puke tastes like cake!

Stopping Abortion With Deadly Force

September 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

“I’ll stop those damn abortionists”

GOP Candidate for Sheriff Frank Szabo says he’s so pro life that he’ll stop abortion with deadly force. He also says that he’s so pro feeding the poor that he often hunts them down and donates their meat to soup kitchens.

mmm delicious hobo meat

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