Swine Food Crisis!

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Waste and you get none

The UK national pigs association has announced that there will be an unavoidable bacon shortage.  The National Heart Attack association later announced an unavoidable heart attack shortage and urges people to substitute bacon with lard to avoid a crisis.

Ailing hearts create jobs!

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*actual story is hogwash and was created to raise prices.  oink oink.

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Unemployment Creates Entrepreneurship

July 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

We can do it.  So can you!

According to a recent study, a spike in unemployment seems to be encouraging people to try becoming entrepreneurs.  The study also shows that the most popular business is selling the contents of their broken lives on kijiji.

Everyone Loves a Deal!

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Nude Protesters Don’t Get It

May 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Tout nu dehors, jusqu’a la victoire,”

The Montreal student protests just got a a little more exciting as they began their ‘naked’ protest today.  Chanting, what translates to: “naked outside until victory,” the students protest the proposed tuition hike.

The Quebec government says that they remain firm that tuition hikes must be looked at and that they remain firm.  One official suggested that they would consider what the students had to say a little more seriously if they began having a really hot orgy protest in the streets. 

the best protest is the kind where everyone is fucking

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Global Warming Is Good For Business

May 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

no more ice, ice baby.

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A new Arctic shipping route to be established by 2017 due to ice thinning in the Artic Seas.  Our planet may be slowly warming up but on the bright side we will be receiving way more shitty plastic toys from China.  

Oh, hello kitty!

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CBC’s ‘Questionable’ New Programming.

April 15, 2012 § Leave a comment


'just don't touch my wardrobe budget!'

In boring Canadian television news; CBC budget cuts have affected Don Cherry.  His show is now called ‘Coaches STREET corner’ and he will be in an alley commenting on plays between prostitutes and junkies.  

Fans of the show say they barely notice a difference.

Cherry's street corner play by play.

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