Red Bull Gets You Higher

October 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

go for a bull ride

Last Sunday Felix Baumgartner jumped out of a space capsule from above the stratosphere over the New Mexico desert. Red Bull sponsored the event to promote their new energy drink that makes your heart feel like you have jumped out of a space capsule from above the stratosphere over the New Mexico desert.

red bull grabs YOU by the horns

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Baumgartner Breaks Records and Hearts

October 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

what went through his mind?

The world was anxious to know what went through handsome Felix Baumgartner’s mind while attempting this heroic jump.  The world stopped anxiously listening after he mentioned his stupid girlfriend.

girlfriend smirlfriend

Toronto Strip Clubs Amend Touchy Laws

October 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

some touching allowed!

Council has loosened the rules on Toronto strip clubs which, formerly were strictly no touching, to allow handshakes.  While this may seem mundane to some but there some men who are very happy to hear the news because they have dicks for hands.

high five!

Child free Flights of Bliss

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

adults only, call now

AirAsia has created a Child-Free ‘Quiet Zone’ on all their flights. One passenger was quoted as saying “finally i can jerk off under a thin blanket without listening to that shitty baby cry.”

blanket hides shame and cleans it up

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Plush Toys: More Itchy Than Fun

September 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

No Child Should Go Without

Peter Drakos of Detroit has spent the last 30 years winning over 250,000 prizes at hundreds of different midways and carnivals. He then gives the all toys to Charity. Though his plan was well intentioned, none of charities would accept the toys as they were heavily infested with carney fleas.

why is the fur crawling?

Amnesty International Hates Us

May 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Let us agree to be dickheads”

Canada has been cited by Amnesty International in its annual report on human rights atrocities for its failure to arrest George Bush while he was on Canadian soil.   Amnesty says it is willing to forgive Canada this ‘over sight’ in exchange for the arrest of  American refugee and war criminal, Randy Quaid.                                                                            

Where, oh where did the 90’s go?

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A Balkan-Klezmer-Gypsy-Party-Punk Super-Band Boards A Plane…

May 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

best delayed flight ever

A delayed Air Canada flight to Frankfurt was pleasantly surprised by an impromptu, in-flight serenade from the Lemon Bucket Orkestra at Toronto’s Pearson Airport.  Air Canada was so delighted that passengers were happy, they decided to make the group an offer to appear on all flights to Frankfurt.  Unfortunately the deal didn’t work out after Air Canada found out that they would actually have to pay the band.

“We’ve never heard of Canadian artists actually charging a fee for anything.” A confused spokesperson for Air Canada told the media.

It’s Balkan-Klezmer-Gypsy-Party-Punk Super-Band Fun Times!

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