November 5, 2012 §
bridge regulations are so fascist.
In an effort to increase trade, Stephen Harper will exempt any company that wants to build a new Windsor to Detroit bridge from all environmental regulations. This is of course great news for Shitty Eddies Bridge Company who constructs their bridges out of rusty paint cans and plastic six pack rings.
September 9, 2012 §
39 beached dolphins in Boston’s Cape Cod are safe this week after returning to the ocean with the tide. Beachgoers say that they are relieved because nothing spoils family fun day like a bunch of dolphin carcasses.
dead dolphins ruining vacations
Now that the dolphins are back to sea, everyone can now get back to working on their tans and ignoring armageddon.
July 19, 2012 §
The squinty pump looks meany mean
Enbridge has been under fire recently for using a controversial cartoon image in an attempt to prove the point that Oil from Alberta is friendlier than oil from other countries. Enbridge says it is important to note that although the the oil is friendlier, it will still fuck you at the pump.
June 4, 2012 §
the fallout continues…
Scientists are reporting that the bluefin tuna in California waters are carrying radioactive contamination that leaked from Japan’s crippled nuclear plant during last year’s earthquake. Officials became concerned after several tuna developed abs and a penchant for violence. This is unfortunate because abs are the most delicious part of the tuna and now they are very hard to acquire.
June 2, 2012 §
Monsanto is very, very bad.
In Environmental Terrorism news, Activists are angry that biotech company Monsanto has forced Napalese farmers into using their genetically modified corn seeds, known to cause organ failure. A spokesperson for Monsanto says that people shouldn’t worry because, “the corn is delicious and the organ failure is barely noticeable.”
May 5, 2012 §
no more ice, ice baby.
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A new Arctic shipping route to be established by 2017 due to ice thinning in the Artic Seas. Our planet may be slowly warming up but on the bright side we will be receiving way more shitty plastic toys from China.