Obama Responds to Sandy too Soon?

November 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

wait until there are some dead.

Republicans are criticizing Obama for responding too soon to hurricane Sandy. They say they preferred Bush’s technique for dealing with disaster relief which is to hunker down, shop online and wait until Sean Penn shows up with a boat.

Sean lives the plot of a bad Hollywood movie.

Beached Dolphins Ride the Tide

September 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

Lucky tide

39 beached dolphins in Boston’s Cape Cod are safe this week after returning to the ocean with the tide.   Beachgoers say that they are relieved because nothing spoils family fun day like a bunch of dolphin carcasses.  

dead dolphins ruining vacations

Now that the dolphins are back to sea, everyone can now get back to working on their tans and ignoring armageddon.

whatchoo talkin’ bout Willis?

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Contaminated Bluefin Tuna Scares Fishermen

June 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

the fallout continues…

Scientists are reporting that the bluefin tuna in California waters are carrying radioactive contamination that leaked from Japan’s crippled nuclear plant during last year’s earthquake.  Officials became concerned after several tuna developed abs and a penchant for violence.  This is unfortunate because abs are the most delicious part of the tuna and now they are very hard to acquire.     

fish with abs are the first sign of apocalypse

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Monsanto is Winning

June 2, 2012 § Leave a comment

these findings suck

A new study shows that cancer rates are set to skyrocket by %75 by the year 2030.  Monsanto is calling these horrific new findings, “the plan”.

GMO has got to GTFO

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