Cheetos And Your Asshole

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

The popular snack food Flamin’ Hot Cheetos have been banned from several US schools. Parents afraid that their childrens red colored stool was a sign of internal bleeding would rush them to the hospital. This was wasting valuable hospital resources as the only thing the hospital can do is send them home and tell them that, “ya, that’s what they’re supposed to do.”

it’s worth the taste bud orgasm!

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Delicious STD Desserts!

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

tastes best warm

A London Exhibition hopes to raise awareness of sexually transmitted diseases by selling a wide array of specially designed cupcakes that look like STD’s.  The exhibit was quickly closed when Russell Brand was founded having sex with the Herpes cupcake.  The cupcake was a tart.

too much temptation for Brand

RFID Tags For Kids

October 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

children will be tracked

Schools have started to use RFID tags in school ID cards. According to authorities, the cards will the track truancy and the eating habits of students. The fat kids at Mcdonald’s are happier with this over the previous policy where they would be tranquilized, ear tagged and castrated.

a more humane approach

Bucky Balls Are Not A Snack

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

put ’em up high with your pills

Health Canada is investigating the safety of the popular bucky balls as many children have swallowed them and required surgery.   The finding has prompted at least one local Toronto school to consider not giving school children bucky balls as a snack.

Yummy but lethal

Click Here For Original Story

Swine Food Crisis!

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Waste and you get none

The UK national pigs association has announced that there will be an unavoidable bacon shortage.  The National Heart Attack association later announced an unavoidable heart attack shortage and urges people to substitute bacon with lard to avoid a crisis.

Ailing hearts create jobs!

Click Here For Original Story 

*actual story is hogwash and was created to raise prices.  oink oink.

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