Doctor ‘Baby God’ Gets His Sperm Mixed Up

February 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

Doctor No Good

Doctor ‘No Good’

A doctor who inseminated 3 women with the wrong sperm has admitted to misconduct.  One mother became suspicious after her child rejected her breast milk and turned out to be a small dog.  

Signs became obvious as dog/child matured

Signs became obvious as dog/child matured

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Cheetos And Your Asshole

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

The popular snack food Flamin’ Hot Cheetos have been banned from several US schools. Parents afraid that their childrens red colored stool was a sign of internal bleeding would rush them to the hospital. This was wasting valuable hospital resources as the only thing the hospital can do is send them home and tell them that, “ya, that’s what they’re supposed to do.”

it’s worth the taste bud orgasm!

RFID Tags For Kids

October 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

children will be tracked

Schools have started to use RFID tags in school ID cards. According to authorities, the cards will the track truancy and the eating habits of students. The fat kids at Mcdonald’s are happier with this over the previous policy where they would be tranquilized, ear tagged and castrated.

a more humane approach

Toronto Strip Clubs Amend Touchy Laws

October 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

some touching allowed!

Council has loosened the rules on Toronto strip clubs which, formerly were strictly no touching, to allow handshakes.  While this may seem mundane to some but there some men who are very happy to hear the news because they have dicks for hands.

high five!

Bucky Balls Are Not A Snack

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

put ’em up high with your pills

Health Canada is investigating the safety of the popular bucky balls as many children have swallowed them and required surgery.   The finding has prompted at least one local Toronto school to consider not giving school children bucky balls as a snack.

Yummy but lethal

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Swine Food Crisis!

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Waste and you get none

The UK national pigs association has announced that there will be an unavoidable bacon shortage.  The National Heart Attack association later announced an unavoidable heart attack shortage and urges people to substitute bacon with lard to avoid a crisis.

Ailing hearts create jobs!

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*actual story is hogwash and was created to raise prices.  oink oink.

Vegetarian McDonalds McMania

September 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

Healthy Trans Fats!

Mcdonald’s has announced that in 2013 they will be opening their first vegetarian restaurant in India.  Though many see this as a win for vegetarians, Mcdonald’s says they’ll only be serving vegetables that North American customers scrape off their Big Mac’s.

McWestern Scraps!

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