RFID Tags For Kids

October 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

children will be tracked

Schools have started to use RFID tags in school ID cards. According to authorities, the cards will the track truancy and the eating habits of students. The fat kids at Mcdonald’s are happier with this over the previous policy where they would be tranquilized, ear tagged and castrated.

a more humane approach

Netanyahu Thinks You’re an Idiot

September 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Try to stay with me here.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu used a simple diagram to explain the world what would happen if Iran were to enrich uranium.  Natanyahu used this more detailed diagram (pictured below) to  reveal their plans if Iran tries to blow them up.  

Israel has a solution

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Child-Free Flights Take Off

September 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

miles high and no kiddies

AirAsia has created a Child-Free ‘Quiet Zone’ on all their flights. One passenger was quoted as saying “finally i can jerk off under a thin blanket without listening to that shitty baby cry.”

masturbate in peace

Stopping Abortion With Deadly Force

September 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

“I’ll stop those damn abortionists”

GOP Candidate for Sheriff Frank Szabo says he’s so pro life that he’ll stop abortion with deadly force. He also says that he’s so pro feeding the poor that he often hunts them down and donates their meat to soup kitchens.

mmm delicious hobo meat

Marijuana Dispensary Faces Closure

July 20, 2012 § 2 Comments

Too good to last

Harborside Health Centre, one of the largest Medicinal Marijuana dispensaries in the nation may have to close down due to federal government guidelines that make it near impossible to stay in business.

Luckily for most people in California they know the number of a dude who will ride his bike to your house and sell you a half quarter and he sometimes even gets some really good shrooms.

Call your friendly neighbourhood dope courier!

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Unemployment Creates Entrepreneurship

July 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

We can do it.  So can you!

According to a recent study, a spike in unemployment seems to be encouraging people to try becoming entrepreneurs.  The study also shows that the most popular business is selling the contents of their broken lives on kijiji.

Everyone Loves a Deal!

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Mugabe Appointed UN Ambassador of Tourism?

June 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

genocide is good for business

Brutal Zimbabwe dictator and human rights violator Robert Mugabe was just appointed by the UN as Special Ambassador of The World Tourism Office. He was appointed to the position after coming up with Zimbabwe’s popular tourism ad campaign: ‘Come to Zimbabwe we’ve got elephants and we usually only kill the locals.’

locals are the real endangered species

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*turns out this story was contrived by mainstream media and is untrue.  the media makes up stories to sell papers?  unbelievable! (<that’s sarcasm)

 

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