North Korea’s Sexy Missiles

December 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

America is intrigued

America is intrigued

The White House claims that North Korea’s launch of a long-range ballistic missile last week was a “highly provocative act.” It is still unclear which part of the missile launch gave Obama a boner.
sexy missile

sexy missile

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Cleric Smacked Down By Woman

October 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Oh no, you didn’t.”

A cleric in Iran was badly beaten by a women that he was condemning for being badly beaten.  As it turns out a woman’s ankles are not as offensive as her angry fists.

smack that cleric up

Netanyahu Thinks You’re an Idiot

September 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Try to stay with me here.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu used a simple diagram to explain the world what would happen if Iran were to enrich uranium.  Natanyahu used this more detailed diagram (pictured below) to  reveal their plans if Iran tries to blow them up.  

Israel has a solution

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Monsanto Says, “Organ Failure, Schmorgan Failure”

June 2, 2012 § Leave a comment

Monsanto is very, very bad.

In Environmental Terrorism news,  Activists are angry that biotech company Monsanto has forced Napalese farmers into using their genetically modified corn seeds,  known to cause organ failure.  A spokesperson for Monsanto says that people shouldn’t worry because, “the corn is delicious and the organ failure is barely noticeable.”  

Dick Cheney got a new heart and so can you!

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Amnesty International Hates Us

May 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Let us agree to be dickheads”

Canada has been cited by Amnesty International in its annual report on human rights atrocities for its failure to arrest George Bush while he was on Canadian soil.   Amnesty says it is willing to forgive Canada this ‘over sight’ in exchange for the arrest of  American refugee and war criminal, Randy Quaid.                                                                            

Where, oh where did the 90’s go?

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A Balkan-Klezmer-Gypsy-Party-Punk Super-Band Boards A Plane…

May 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

best delayed flight ever

A delayed Air Canada flight to Frankfurt was pleasantly surprised by an impromptu, in-flight serenade from the Lemon Bucket Orkestra at Toronto’s Pearson Airport.  Air Canada was so delighted that passengers were happy, they decided to make the group an offer to appear on all flights to Frankfurt.  Unfortunately the deal didn’t work out after Air Canada found out that they would actually have to pay the band.

“We’ve never heard of Canadian artists actually charging a fee for anything.” A confused spokesperson for Air Canada told the media.

It’s Balkan-Klezmer-Gypsy-Party-Punk Super-Band Fun Times!

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The Mayor Who Cried Wolf.

May 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

the Robfather has spoken.

Looks like Toronto Mayor Rob Ford had to call the cops again and he’s not too happy about it.  Ford is requesting that journalist, Daniel Dale be fired from his position at The Toronto Star after an altercation near his home.  Ford confronted the reporter after a neighbour alerted him that there was someone near his property.  Ford somehow managed to scare Dale enough that he gave him his cell phone and camera.  It turned out that Dale was pursuing a story about the mayor looking to buy public property beside his home.

The mayor feels he needs all this property to ‘protect’ his family.  During an interview with local media, Ford continuously says that the property in question is a “football field” away.  Wait a minute…Ford needs more than a football field of land to keep his kids safe?  Are people constantly throwing grenades at him?   If the Mayor is afraid of some skinny reporter, investigating a story, perhaps he should just buy the entire GTA.  Almost everyone in Toronto has a camera.  He couldn’t possibly confiscate them all…or could he?

It seems that Mayor Ford wants to keep Toronto out of his backyard. And increasingly, Toronto wants Ford out of theirs.

In related news.  Ford called Prime Minister Harper right after this terrifying run in with death and requested he be given an F35 fighter jet to spot roving reporters. Harper agreed right away.  It seems they agree that there is nothing more terrifying than someone who might not agree with your politics.

we must protect Ford from the commies!

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