Up Your Nose With Female Viagra

November 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

the nose knows

A new nasal spray for women that enhances sexual arousal is being marketed as the female viagra.  The nasal spray is designed to chemically simulate the erotic sensation of snorting 2 lines of coke in a disgusting bathroom stall.

some may prefer tradition

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Harper Vetos Bridge Regulations

November 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

bridge regulations are so fascist.

In an effort to increase trade, Stephen Harper will exempt any company that wants to build a new Windsor to Detroit bridge from all environmental regulations. This is of course great news for Shitty Eddies Bridge Company who constructs their bridges out of rusty paint cans and plastic six pack rings.

avoid crossing.

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Obama Responds to Sandy too Soon?

November 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

wait until there are some dead.

Republicans are criticizing Obama for responding too soon to hurricane Sandy. They say they preferred Bush’s technique for dealing with disaster relief which is to hunker down, shop online and wait until Sean Penn shows up with a boat.

Sean lives the plot of a bad Hollywood movie.

Italian PM Convicted of Fraud

October 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

^ this guy won’t do well in Prison

Former Prime Minister of Italy and Billionaire businessman Sylvio Berlusconi was sentenced to 4 years in Prison for not paying taxes on American movies he bought and aired on his private network.  The ex PM decided to appeal the decision when made aware that prison isn’t at all like his favourite  jail themed porno ‘Sentenced to Suck’.

life does not always imitate art

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Obama Asks Media To Do His Dirty Work

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

catch a flip flopper by the toe

President Obama challenged the media to find instances where governor Romney changed his mind about policies.  Romney also issued a challenge to the media to find a picture of himself where he isn’t making this face.

would this face fuck up America?

Cheetos And Your Asshole

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

The popular snack food Flamin’ Hot Cheetos have been banned from several US schools. Parents afraid that their childrens red colored stool was a sign of internal bleeding would rush them to the hospital. This was wasting valuable hospital resources as the only thing the hospital can do is send them home and tell them that, “ya, that’s what they’re supposed to do.”

it’s worth the taste bud orgasm!

Sleepless and Horny?

October 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

lack of sleep makes you flabby

A recent study shows that sleep deprivation leads to obesity.  The study issued a last minute amendment to it’s claims that if your sleep deprivation is due to tons of hot dirty all night slut sex, then you’re fine.  Especially if you are obese.

all night long sex keeps you in good health